Running away..

I like the feeling of being tired in the evening while heading back home on weekdays. Makes me feel good about my day. Makes it a day well spent in my mind. At my new job, I’m a complete novice and hence a bit slow even at otherwise regular stuff. The work hours are already long so there’s that much less space to stretch my own work hours to accommodate my slowness and I end up sitting long hours trying to understand even the simplest of things. But I’m enjoying my life right now. My work is on the lines of what I expected it to be, only better. I’m learning a tremendous lot; and the hectic work schedule helps me keep my mind off everything that I have wanted to get away from for some time now.

Someone recently asked me - How long would I want to stay on in a job that demands these long hours and exerts such high pressure; How long would I want to do this to myself and why? Maybe the real question is – What is that we’re running after? One question that keeps coming right back to stare at you, eh? I really don’t know how to answer this one. Over time, I’ve realized that I’m not really running after something in particular. There’s no point at which someone like me stops and feels happy about getting there. After a while, you just keep running because that’s all you know; that’s all you do well; running becomes a purpose in itself; and you start identifying yourself as a runner. Also, sometimes I feel that rather than running towards something, I’m running away from some of the inherently moribund and depressing aspects of life by drowning myself in the never-ending (and after a while pointless) struggle for more... am not sure if it really is a permanent solution but it’s a quickfire one and for now, am thankful for that much.